Co-Parenting is a term used to describe parents working together for
the benefit of their child. Sometimes though, parents separate or
divorce. They may not be together as a couple anymore, but they will
always be together as parents. A new parenting style and plan will need
to be formulated to fit the new circumstances. It is crucial to the
child's well-being that the parents set aside their angers and
differences in order to be effective parents.
Divorce is a very stressful time for everyone involved, especially
children. They will suddenly feel a huge range of emotions from fear to
anger to sadness. It is the responsibility of the parents to put their
child first and save their own disputes and arguments for private
resolution.
Some of the issues surrounding a successful co-parenting plan are
custody arrangements, child support, visitation, educational and
religious upbringing, discipline, parenting styles, and many more.
There will probably be some disagreements on how these things are
handled, but what's more important is how the disagreements are
handled. Open communication and flexibility are the keys to making the
plan work. Just a few of the factors to consider when formulating a
successful co-parenting plan are:
CUSTODY & VISITATION
As early on as possible, parents need to make custody and visitation
arrangements that are reasonable and fair for everyone involved.
Consistency is extremely important. Let the child know what the
schedule is going to be, and inform them of any changes to it ahead of
time. When they are with one parent, open and frequent contact should
be available to the other parent at all times. Remember to remain
flexible to any necessary changes that are in the best interest of the
child.
Some parents will feel the need to over-indulge their child during
visits. However, extravagant shopping sprees or wild vacations to "win
them over" should be avoided, as this can be damaging to their
relationship with the other parent. Competing with the ex-spouse will
only cause more stress, anxiety, and resentment. Instead, the
visitation time should be used to get to know the child better, and to
be the parent they need.
EDUCATION & RELIGION
Whether you decide on public, private, or homeschooling, it needs to be
agreed upon by both parents ahead of time, and arrangements made
accordingly. Ideally the parents will live close enough to each other
so that there will be no disruption to the child's education or
extracurricular activities.
If the parents had been together for any length of time before the
separation, a religious background will more than likely have already
been established. Sometimes, however, it is a new subject, and will
need to be discussed and agreed upon. The plan should provide for who
will take the child to religious services, as well as state that both
parents will be consistent in reinforcing the religious values.
DISCIPLINE
Even married couples sometimes have disagreements about discipline, and
can have different parenting styles. Keep that in mind when
implementing the plan. Be respectful of each other's styles, and do not
do anything to upset the other parent on purpose. Again, consistency is
important when it comes to rules and disciplinary methods for both
households. For example, if one parent doesn't let the child watch TV
after 8pm, then the other parent should not allow the child to watch
all night long.
There is no "one size fits all" co-parenting plan, and it will need to
modified depending on individual needs and circumstances. Custody and
visitation arrangements will also change over time as the child grows
older. Once a plan has been outlined and accepted by both parents, they
should do their best to keep the child's life as stable and stress-free
as possible. The child cherishes their time with each parent, and that
time should not be sabotaged as a means to hurt each other. Even though
they will have two homes after the separation, they should be reminded
that they also have two parents who will always love them tremendously.
Remember, when a couple has children they form a partnership that will
last forever, even if the marriage doesn't. Keeping that in perspective
will help parents make choices that are always in the best interest of
their child.
About The Author: Karole Dolen is a website designer and freelance writer from Northern California. In addition to being a blessed member of a proud unschooling family, she runs several websites including http://unschoolers.com and http://moonriverdesigns.com.
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